"Yes" is overvalued
You WILL push back. On your own terms, or because you can't take it anymore. Constructively, or full of bitterness and anger. Up to you.
Your first mistake is thinking that people who care, notice. Second - thinking people who notice, care.
I’ve seen this countless times. An employee who is amazing at their job keeps over performing, takes on every challenge, puts out every fire and delivers on time. Until suddenly, they come into their boss’ office and say they quit. Because they’re overworked, they’ve been doing the job of three people and no one seems to care. Instead of helping, people keep piling more requests, everything is extremely important and the boss just keeps offering to “take a few days off”, which only means that there’s gonna be a couple of days worth of new urgent requests piled on when they come back. Whether it starts with fear or passion, the result is often the same: burnout, resentment, and silence.
I could take the position of the manager, but there are too many assholes around to start a blanket defense of their actions, talk about how they probably didn’t notice and how they could have helped around prioritizing and moving some of the projects out of the way temporarily. There’s an equal chance that the manager either doesn’t know the first thing about how to solve such a problem or simply doesn’t care enough to even think about solving it. So I’ll try to talk from the position of the employee.
Why no one will save you
I hate the notion that “everything is in your hands” because it dumbs things down to a very primitive individualistic mantra, where, in essence, you can do anything, therefore if you’re not thriving, it’s completely your own fault.
With that said, I think in this case there’s a lot that you can do, actually. It’s harder than being angry and burnt out, but the upside is that it can help end the suffering.
Taking on everything that comes your way is not a long term plan. It might be coming from a place of fear - you don’t want to look lazy, or you want to seem irreplaceable. It might be simply that you love what you do and are truly passionate about it. It might be that you have a strong urgency to save the day, or feel that your colleagues can’t make it without you. In either of those cases, the choice to be the go-to for every problem will seem quite nice in the beginning, but you will never get enough recognition or reward for it. Not when it starts ruining your personal life, relationships, or health.
No one will save you then. Sometimes it’s because no one cares. Sometimes - because they don’t know they should. Everyone’s first instinct is to take care of themselves, so if you are someone who can solve their problems, they will come to you as much as they can - wouldn’t you? No one has the view of the full picture - they just see the little piece of it that’s related to their particular situation and the time you’re dedicating to fix it. And it doesn’t look all too bad from their point of view.
Same thing with managers - when they have an employee who is outperforming everyone consistently, the first instinct is not that “they’re probably working too much”. It’s that they might be an exceptionally talented employee and should get more tasks that they’re so good at. Or the manager’s just an asshole who wants to squeeze the life out of a person just because they’re not objecting enough. If that’s the case - we’ll that’s another article.
You’re scared or unwilling to say no, so things keep piling on. You feel like a hero first, a martyr later, and ultimately - fed up and being taken advantage of. Once it becomes unbearable, you’ll either push back or be forced to push back by illness or a personal crisis. When you suddenly become bitter, angry and passive agressive.
Resentment is often a signal of a boundary violation. It can also be a violation that we committed against ourselves.
So, do you risk becoming resentful, bitter and fed up?
Try to self-check:
Do you often wish for more time to do the work you’ve taken on? Or do you wish you had less to do in the first place?
That’s an important distinction that illustrates what you prioritise - your own well being (problem - I have too much to do, need to cut it down somehow), or others’ comfort (there’s so much I have to do, I just don’t have enough time to do it!).
“Needing more time” signals lack of direction and focusing on the process. You don’t burn out from working hard - you burn out from working without clarity, solving a hundred problems at once.
Your answer also predicts your attitude towards the next request that’s inevitably coming - whether you’re gonna say “sorry, there’s too much on my plate already”, or take it on and worry how to fit it into your already overloaded schedule.
If you tend to lean towards helping or pleasing others instead of looking after yourself first, remember - you will say no eventually. You’ll just say it too late, when it becomes emotional, defensive, and reactive.
As I said before - if you’re hoping someone will notice and help you, you are going to be severely disappointed.
So, what should you do then?
be honest with yourself. Document what you’re doing, start a task list, block off time for those tasks in your calendar. I’m not saying this will solve your problem. What it will do is help you see the scope you’re dealing with and maybe give an extra push to say no, when you clearly see that the schedule is booked twice over. It might also become a rational and calm argument when discussing your workload with your boss. It’s much harder to brush off a clear list and overloaded schedule than someone saying “I’m overworked”.
Practice saying no early and often. Don’t be obnoxious and uncooperative. Try to explain your situation and involve others in finding the solution. Remember - there might be a hundred people coming to you with “small asks that will only take 30 minutes”, which means 50 hours of work to you, but they don’t see the full picture. Try to explain (not complain) why their task or ask is going to have to wait, and offer ways to expedite (go to someone else, help you move other projects down the priority list, etc)
If you’re a manager - try to not be the dummy that is left shrugging and pondering “why didn’t you tell me sooner”? Demand to see the full scope, press the brakes yourself and remind people that it’s a marathon and they have to pace themselves. Not just by saying it. By providing them with tools and ways to do it.
Once you master number 1, start recognizing WHICH work actually makes a difference - helps the organization grow, helps you grow, generates the greatest ROI - however you want to define it. Start looking for solutions to clearly block out time for that type of work and protect it from the ever so annoying “could you jump on a call really quick”.
Know when to say enough and start preparing your exit. If you do all of the above and are met with great resistance from your boss or the wider org - basically, if you say “these are my limits” and the org says “we don’t care what happens to you, you should do more than that, even if it breaks you”… It’s clearly a sign that it doesn’t care.
If it doesn’t care to make your life at least bearable, then it most probably won’t in the future.
If it doesn’t care and probably won’t, then… why should you care about it? Start planning your next move.